Forget Speed Dating, Just Meet To Marry
Molly Livingstone goes Q&A with Bari Lyman, the founder and creator of the Meet to Marry Method™
Can you really put a ring on it anymore? With the growing single population in Israel, just like around the world, many are just giving up. But perhaps there is a way, a new method, that will help singles to find the one, and truly meet to marry.
And just as the method is making its way to Israel, Israel Forever is proud to connect Jewish singles around the world by introducing you to the revolutionary Meet to Marry Method™ that’s helped thousands of singles permanently break through their frustrating, go-nowhere dating patterns & meet their perfect match.
Read on and find out what it takes for you to meet your match!
Q: Why are you an expert of singles? And on getting married?
A: I walked in the shoes of the singles that I help. As a smart, successful, self-aware, and stuck single for more than 15 years, I always attracted the wrong men. I was relationship challenged and didn’t how to change my reality and find healthy love. I did all of the right things—I went to therapy, attended personal growth seminars and prayed--and even with all of that, my dating and relationship experience didn’t change. I was confused and lonely in spite of the fact that things looked good externally: I had great life with lots of friends and was running a successful recruiting and career coaching company.
I just became smarter intellectually about my issues. And then I bottomed out after all of those wrong relationships and dating. I had a big breakthrough that set me on a new path where I turned inward in a new way that changed everything for me.
With this new wisdom and new “way of being” I created my own method--one that contracted a lot of the conventional, well intended yet bad dating advice that I’d been receiving--and got myself on a new and inspired path to meeting and marrying my most amazing husband and partner, Michael, 11 years ago. And ever since, I made it my mission and it’s my passion to help other single men and women dissolve what’s getting in their way, so they can attract their ideal match.
Q: What is the most popular mistake or detrimental way of thinking when you are single and dating?
A: Not believing your situation can change. So often we take things that have happened in the past like fears, regrets, not wanting to get hurt again--and insert those things unknowingly into our present -- closing off the future possibilities. These are blind spots! We need to clear those things in a real and practical way. Many singles “know” what their fears and issues are—they’ve talked about it with friends, or their therapist—but knowing about it makes no difference. Instead, it takes courage and the right support to have a new experience that will be empowering.
Another mistake is not really being open in the way that’s most important when it comes to finding healthy lifetime love--vulnerable. Singles are “doing” a lot of things and feel like they are ready for love but actually they have walls of protection up that repel the love they want.
Doing more isn’t the answer, but rather “being” is. My motto is that to find the one you need to be the one.
Q:What is the Meet to Marry method?
A: The Meet to Marry Method™ is principled step-by-step approach that clears away the barriers to love. My Make It Happen This Year program—made up of Finding the One and Dating Camps—clears the inner space for love to thrive and also teaches singles how to date in a new and inspired way that attracts just the right people.
The method isn’t some gimmicky formula or a made-up set of rules, but rather it respects the complexity of each person’s life and is easily adaptable to that person’s specific needs, values, and goals. It’s a transformational and practical experience that causes big aha! moments and breakthroughs that allow singles to completely change their dating experience so they can meet and marry their amazing partner within a year.
Q: Can you share some of your success stories, of people and finding love and marriage?
A: Well, we’re here in Israel to celebrate the wedding of Jessica, one of our success stories! She started the Make It Happen This Year program just last August.
Another great example is Bernard, who was looking for a wife, partner, lover, friend, mentor, and travel companion, all in one. What’s great about Bernard is that he wasn’t just going to sit there and do a lot of wishful, fantasy thinking. He was willing to take an honest look at himself and his dating patterns, and he did the work to get clear on what was holding him back and what he wanted for himself in the future. Guess what? Within six months, he was engaged to a woman whom he describes as “Spectacular. Nothing I could have imagined, but everything I could have wished for” and they got married 3 months later!
We’ve seen so many stories unfold with men and women of all ages and backgrounds, from people who have been dating for many years, to people who’ve been divorced once, twice or more.
Q: What is the most important advice you can give someone who is dating?
A: Be real and authentic and share your vision of yourself and the future. Sometimes we hide our best selves out of fear of scaring someone off. In reality, if you want to find a lifetime partner, it’s important to find the person who shares your vision values and goals.
Don’t hide those things. If someone gets “scared off,” be glad! It’s a gift when the ones who are not right for you don’t continue. With a really clear sense of self and vision, you can attract the right person for you.
Q: What about online, yay or nay?
A: Yay! Online is great because that’s where other singles are—and the varied sites and methods allow you to connect with a lot of people. The key to being successful online is to know how to mine for gold, since you can only marry one person. You need to be an empowered dater—with a clear vision—sharing the real you.
Q: Do you think the Israeli dating scene is different? And if so, how?
A: I don’t think the Israeli scene is different, no. I hear the same complaints in Katamon and Tel Aviv as I do on the Upper West Side in New York City, in LA, Chicago, Columbia, and Toronto. The bottom line is that singles want to find a real connection. And singles everywhere say, “The dating scene is terrible where I live,” or “All the good ones are taken” or “Where are the men who want to settle down?” or even “Why are women so picky and demanding?” But to that I say, wherever you go, there you are. What’s great about Israel is that people really do value meaningful connections and family.
Q: Why are you targeting Jerusalem and Tel Aviv?
A: The idea of doing the seminars in Israel came about when we decided to attend the wedding of a successful client and we decided, why not combine the joy of the wedding with a few events? Also, my husband and I made aliyah with Nefesh B’Nefesh and lived in Jerusalem for almost 5 years, from 2005-2009. While living there, I got to see “the scene” and how many singles were staying single year in and year out in spite of prayer, therapy, and classes.
In Jerusalem it was palpable how many singles want connection and value marriage—and how elusive it was for so many. We also spent a good deal of time in Tel Aviv with so many smart, beautiful, handsome and successful single men and women who were also stuck, with friends asking, “Can’t you help them? We can’t figure out why they never find the one.” Also, many participants in my programs lived in Israel and encouraged us to bring the three Secret Love Essentials there.
These two locations are central and make the most sense to reach the largest audience. Israel is our home and I’m on a mission—Israelis are near and dear to my heart, so to help them couldn’t be more rewarding and wonderful.
Q: What do you think Israelis dating here will gain from your advice?
A: Singles here will get to see that they can change their dating and relationship reality and meet and marry their perfect match! They will also get to see that they can take personal responsibility for their experience so they can go from feeling frustrated, confused, and disempowered to clear and empowered! Everyone will walk away from the seminar knowing that the problem isn’t “the scene” and that they can meet and marry their ideal person this year. They’ll understand that it will take a new and inspired vision and a major paradigm shift. It’s in their hands.
Q: What about married people, how do they keep it alive?
A: It's a beautiful journey. Marriage is about two people with integrity getting together to build a life, and real love happens over time through bonding, connection and life's experiences. Dating in the right way sets the foundation for that.
Meet to Marry is about finding the person with whom you feel like your best self—someone who loves you for your own unique strengths and your weaknesses. It’s a very healing experience when both parties are conscious, mature, generous and self-aware.
The bottom line is that healthy love isn’t a feeling, it’s a verb—it’s active, so in keeping it alive we must choose the person we’re with every day. We must marry someone with whom we feel safe to be ourselves. And the key to a healthy marriage is having real empathy for the other person and not expecting them to read our minds. When we communicate our needs we need to cross the bridge over to the world of the other person and leave our own fears and limitations behind. We must be fully present—mature, generous, and self aware.
When we operate this way, married life is absolutely amazing and inspired. I can say personally that I’m married to my best friend and I cherish every moment.
Q: Anything else you want to share?
A: I am so excited to see everyone in Israel. Even singles who feel like they’ve tried absolutely everything will be pleasantly surprised to learn a new way to experience dating—that leads to new results.
Bari Lyman is the founder and creator of the revolutionary Meet to Marry Method™ that’s helped thousands of singles permanently break through their frustrating, go-nowhere dating patterns & meet their perfect match. She's also the author of Meet to Marry: A Dating Revelation for the Marriage Minded, which earned Stephen Covey’s praise for being “smart, principled and engaging. Featured in Aish, JDate, & SELF and now Israel Forever, you can transform your love life right now by heading over to www.meettomarry.com to receive your copy of the Ultimate Dating Profile Blueprint.